2025 was a challenging year for sure.

I was attacked — professionally and personally — more times than I can count. At least a dozen serious attempts to discredit, rattle, threaten or bleed me dry. Smear campaigns. Frivolous lawsuits. Lawyers who should’ve known better (but didn’t). People with deep emotional wounds trying to turn their suffering into my suffering. I mean, it’s not acceptable but it’s understandable. I represented over 400 businesses last year alone.  I often find myself, professionally, in contentious situations.

Some were loose cannons. Some were borderline psychopaths. Some were just ignorant. Some were just deeply hurt people flailing in the dark. And honestly? A part of me almost felt bad for them — almost — if not for how destructive and misdirected their behavior was.

But none of it worked. Not a single attack landed.

Why? Because I didn’t react. I responded.

The Power of Responding vs. Reacting

Now, that’s not to say I did everything right in every single moment. But it’s not about perfection. It’s progress not perfection. Small steps towards improvement. You don’t have to get it right 100% of the time. No one does. You just have to get it right the majority of time. It’s truly a long game. The key to all of this? Learning what it means to respond and not to react.

Reacting is impulsive. It’s emotional. It’s what happens when you give someone else the keys to your nervous system. They provoke — you bite. They win.

Responding is different. Responding means you choose how to move. You take a beat. You assess. You let your principles — not your pride — guide you. You conserve energy. You play the long game.

And you stay in control of you.

When You Lose Yourself, You’ve Already Lost

There’s an old saying: “He who angers you conquers you.” In every confrontation this past year, I remembered that. And I watched (in the majority of cases)— as those who attacked me became consumed by their own emotion. I didn’t have to fight. I just had to not join them in the mud. It was the art of fighting without fighting, at least in the most successful cases. I’m even proud to say that in a good number of those cases I won the respect and admiration of my opponents.

Here are two cases for consideration:

Example 1: I was sued by a former client. Twice! Because her attorney — bless his heart — didn’t understand the law and thought he could squeeze something out of me. They lost. Twice. I barely lifted a finger. Because when you move with composure, you’re able to prevail because you have better perspective. Clearer perspective. The ability to strategize, defend and move fluidly is born out of clear perspective.  Part of that is the experience of being a dominant litigator over 17 years. Part of that is also years of experience in meditation and teaching yoga. You can develop the tools, but it’s putting them to the test where those tools become sharp.

Example 2: A self-victimizing person attacking my character, launching self-serving and false allegations. Was it concerning at first? Absolutely. When the situation escalated did it effect me? Yes, at first. Ultimately however, I had to remember that when someone attacks you with such vitriol, you have to ask yourself where they’re coming from. How much pain and suffering have they experienced? This is not to disparage them, or bring them down by any means. In fact it’s the opposite. Seeing things from your attacker’s perspective requires significant compassion. Just because I understand, doesn’t mean I agree. Most people never learn that. Most people never realize that understanding while disagreeing, is possible. The two can co-exists. After all, we do live in this world of dualities.

Let Them Burn Their Own Fuel

Here’s what I’ve learned:

• You can’t control other people.

• But you can let them fail. Let them lose themselves in their own fight.

• And you can control yourself, your actions, your thoughts.

It’s amazing how much energy people are willing to burn trying to provoke you. And it’s revealing. It reveals who they are. It shows their weakness and their character. But simply remember, it drains them, not you. It only drains you if you let it. And letting someone drain you compromises your perspective, clarity, and peace.

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Final Word

If you’re in business, law, leadership, or any arena where stakes are high and egos run wild, you need this mindset. Don’t take on the emotions of your client, your enemy, or your critic. When they go low — don’t go anywhere. Let them stay down there alone.

Respond. Don’t react. That’s how I not only survived 2025 — I thrived.